Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
