wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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