dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
