he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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