worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
