she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
