didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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