You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
