i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
