The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
