Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
