I'm lost and stupid without you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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