I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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