I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
