Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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