Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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