i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
