There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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