what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
