her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
