my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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