I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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