I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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