i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
