So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
