I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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