Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
this boner is exhausting
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
