Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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