he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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