I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I puked a lego.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize