During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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