Someone shit on the floor
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
