If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
