Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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