these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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