I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
