I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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