You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
