i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
