I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
