I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
