Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think my moral compass just broke
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
