Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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