My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
