So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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