I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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