just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's just like the Real World with babies
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So many bounce houses so little time
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
