Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
