u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
