I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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