I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
