I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
