walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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