I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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