We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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