Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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