someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
