can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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