His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
