3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
