if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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