I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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