Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm always down for nudity.
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