I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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