i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
