i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
