They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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