God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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